Why I do it

I took two complete weeks off after ice nationals. Exactly two weeks, I didn't do any workouts. My ice and inline skates were both in pieces. It was the longest break I've taken in at least two years, and I think the longest break I've actually taken since I broke my collarbone in 2006 but I can't be sure about that one so.. at least two years. That is a stupid, stupid thing on my part, if I wasn't so young that would probably have destroyed me.

It was one of the hardest two weeks of my life. At first everything started to hurt. My knees normally have a lot of pain but when I'm not doing anything I thought they would stop hurting. It got to the point when I was just laying in bed they were throbbing with a pulse. Then my back started to hurt, my back never hurts. I couldn't understand, I started to have pain in all these places that I never did. Then I started to realize that I workout so much, when I take time off.. I don't have a lot of things to do. The second week I just sat around for a lot of the time wondering what I should be doing.

Now I'm starting to work out again and it feels good. I won't take any time off for at least the next 11 months. Anyway, this time of the year it's pretty easy to motivate myself. I have this image that runs through my head all of the time. It's me, at Trials, and I'm not skating well and I just look back and realize there were so many days I should have done more, or should have skated better. Then I just tell myself I won't let that be me, I'll train harder now because that can't be me. The fear or idea of failure kills me: it frightens me. Once you fail, you can't go back and fix anything.. it's over. Don't get me wrong, if I'm at my best and I fail, then I'll take it. But failure for lack of preparation is unacceptable.