Why I Want Shani Davis to Win

Before I even get started on this there are a few things I have to explain. I've ALWAYS put athletes on some sort of pedestal. I always thought that those that could achieve so much must have 'it'. I've never ever ever been confused as the most talented person, much less the most athletic. With that being said, I think subconsciously I've always thought the same about great athletes: they couldn't just be incredibly gifted and talented they must be gutting and working so unfathomably hard to perform at that high of a level.

It took me a very, very long time to realize it's not always the case. There are incredibly talented athletes that don't need to work as hard to achieve. They generally piss me off because I want them to work harder, to be even greater. Nevertheless, so many times in my life have a seen a skater that I looked up to when I was younger and surely thought they must be the hardest working person in the sport only to find out later that it is not the case. Time in time again I found out they weren't the person I envisioned in my head.

Before I can jump into my rant on Shani I have to explain I am a sports historian, much more a skating statistician. I have always, since I was 12 or 13 looked up decades of results, followed every competition I knew how to find results to. As an inliner I looked up every single result for the US at world championships I could find, individual results, team results, track results, road results.. All of them. I used to marvel not at the fact that Chad Hedrick won tons and tons of medals, but marvel at the margin that he would win point races. I would calculate how many first place laps he must of won. I would look at how many races someone skated at a certain world championships and how many medals they won in those races, how many gold. I would try and create formulas to decide who throughout history should be considered the best.

So when Chad switched to ice I naturally started looking up long track results. By 2006 I was looking up results for every US trials, every world cup, comparing splits. By this time I knew who Shani was. I didn't know Shani, but I knew all about his ability on the ice. I knew his short track background, his alternate status on the short track Olympic team in Salt Lake City in 2002. I knew that he barely ever lost.

He only got better, after the Turino games Shani hit his prime. It's difficult to understand, he is a world record holder. He has the 10 fastest sea level 1000m races ever. He has won sprint championships and all around championships.

My first summer in SLC I found out Shani skates short track all summer long until about July. Then he switches back over to long track and prepares for the season. He doesn't just skate short track, he skates with the National Team every year and he never fails to hold his own at practices with them.

The summer of 2012 was the first time I ever really talked to Shani and it also happened to be the first time I would train with him on the ice. I remember all he did was talk about how out of shape he was at first. We would skate, we would do our dry land, then our cardio. He would tell us how crazy our workout was.. then do it next to us. Laughing and giggling during the really painful parts.

What makes Shani so special, isn't one thing alone. Sure, he trains alone which is incredible for an athlete that has been so dominate to understand so much of what he needs to succeed. To be in tune with your body to the point that you know when and how to train for fast ice or slow ice or how to get just a little faster or improve your endurance just a little and oh did I mention skate with some of the best technique ever.. at least through the turns. But none of that alone makes Shani that special. I remember that summer that he was apparently 'out of shape' we would do our workouts then go inside to cool down or ice and recover. When I would be leaving the oval in my car there was Shani.. working out again.

I don't know if there is a single person that doesn't like Shani. He has such a personality. He can joke around with anyone and it's always funny. He talks to everyone when he's at the oval asking how things are going. He gives everyone a nickname. And no matter how training is going he never gets angry or upset or at least you can never tell.

I want Shani to win because today I was at practice with my phone on the pads. After every set I went and refreshed my phone waiting for the results like I have the past few days. Once I saw Shani didn't win, much less didn't medal I didn't want to practice anymore. I didn't want to be skating.

When I think incredibly gifted-athlete-that-achieves-greatness but trains-even-harder to stay there while being-down-to-earth-and-generally-a-cool-person-to-be-around I think Shani Davis. That's why I want him to win.

History with Present Olympians

I started thinking about some of the speed skaters that will be taking part in the games over the next two weeks. And since opening ceremonies is tomorrow I figured it might be kind of cool to recap some of my memories I have with them. There are quite a few.

First, I guess I will start with Jess and Brittany. I pair them together because my first real significant memory with either of them happened when they were together. My first world team was in 2007. After making the team and everything we had a couple of months before residency. I just remember having never really talked to either of them they were super nice, helpful, and encouraging to me that entire stretch of time. I was 16, they were both on the Senior Ladies team. Then of course there is the fact that I've trained with Jess for almost two seasons now. She's always tried to help me out, having made the same jump from inline to ice 4 years before me and having dealt with some of the same technique issues that I've had with the switch. And then lastly of course, when I think of Jess right now I also think of Mike, her fiancé. Mike was one of my first ice coaches when I moved to SLC for about 6 weeks before he left to coach Germany. The last couple of months he has been back and he helped me with my equipment, strategy, and coaching the entire way through Olympic trials.

Next, I'll jump into Chris Creveling. I probably have the deepest roots with Chris. I grew watching Chris skate inlines as he is about five years older then me. My earliest memory would probably have to be when I was 12 at our inline regional championships I broke Chris' 300m record for the age group I was in from when he was in it in 1998. I went up to him and told him I broke it and he bet me I couldn't break his 500m record as well. I was 12 and when I broke the 500m record it was cool for me to go tell him that too. After that there are various memories throughout the years but I still remember the time we spent skating for MPC and testing wheels and everything.

Next we will go to Kyle Carr. I skated with Kyle when I was just a little kid and he still wore glasses when he raced. I don't have a ton of memories back then but I do remember skating inlines with him again in 2005 in Reading.

From there it's Eddy. My first memory of Eddy isn't even a memory of Eddy. I was at practice one time at the beginning of our training before the 2003-2004 season. Some of our older skaters and I were stretching after our warm-up. They were talking about my chances as I moved up into the next division. They decided I had fair chances, not great but not too bad. Then one said, wait, you have to race Eddy Alvarez.. you are screwed. I didn't even know who he was! Anyway, that year at nationals going into the last final I was in like fourth overall with a shot to get a medal. Eddy had gotten disqualified in both the previous distances so I was ahead of him overall. He ended up winning the last final which but my outside of the medals that year.

Coming up on my last two athletes: Jonathan. I don't have a ton of memories with Jonathan. My biggest memory is probably all the times he and Sebastian would argue and fight during residency training or pretty much any time they were together.

Lastly would be Joey. I don't have too many personal memories with Joey. Lot's of races, lot's of time at different worlds hanging out with everyone. There was also the year we I lived with him here in Utah. I guess two things that stand out both happened in the same year: 2009. The relay on track when he made a really good skater look like they were standing still, and the marathon when he told us he wanted to start his field sprint somewhere around 20th so know one would follow him.

Then there is Shani.. which I will save for a separate post later.

Feels Like

I don't really know the intent of this blog, I just want to write something. I haven't really said much about my skating over the last several weeks. Honestly I haven't wanted to think about it at all.

The absolute biggest change for me competing and training in an Olympic sport versus competing in a Pan American sport are the highs and lows. The highs feel really good and the lows make you rethink what you are even doing.

Fall trials seems like a nightmare and I can't even remember that much about it. I just remember the way I lost.. the last race. Then I remember all of the feelings afterward. I wanted to walk away.. for about two weeks I didn't want to skate anymore. Then I was all in. Then Olympic trials happened. It felt similar to fall trials but completely different at the same time. Olympics trials didn't go well from the get-go. There wasn't a single race I felt that I didn't underperform. So there wasn't a crushing/bitter defeat to end the competition it was just a slow grind of underachieving for four solid days.

The similar parts are the feeling afterward. I'm going another four years. But in my head I just hear this crazy echo of four years. The things I need to improve upon to make that next step are so minute yet make such a profound difference it's incredibly frustrating. I have a hard time thinking about how much hard work has to be put into this. How much stress and sacrifice it involves. The feeling of utter exhaustion of throwing 40 hours/week of work over the next 208 weeks understanding that until I am done skating I can't advance any further in my workplace.

When I switched to ice the idea of skating until 2018 was a given, I was pretty confident 2022 was in play as well.

But I actually had to sit down and contemplate if I wanted to skate anymore. Right now, still in one of those crazy low points I mentioned earlier I still don't know if I should. My deciding factor when I put my thought process into it was to eliminate the now. To try and imagine sitting watching the 2018 games without absolutely no regrets. To see some of my competitors or teammates at the games and not feel like I should be there. I can't do it. That alone is the reason I have to move past this. I feel a certain amount of pride with being able to make that decision. I don't want to feel this low but somewhere deep down I know this agony I can't get past will only help me. Lastly, I found a quote by Abraham Lincoln that pretty much put everything in a nutshell for me. He once said, "My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure."

Second Guess

There are some nights when I actually have a few moments to myself. That I will sit and think exactly how far I've come. Sometimes there's a moment of doubt. Occasionally I find myself second guessing, not believing in myself. But sometimes I think again of where I've been and how many people have helped me get here. All of these people over all of these years. If so many have believed in me enough to help me along the way then we can't all be wrong.

So many times have I been told just keep working hard. Ever since I was a kid I feel like someone has told me every year to just keep at it and my time will come. Every year someone has sacrificed something for me without anything in return. People worry about me for reasons that are beyond my comprehension. Some want success for me bad enough they worry about what I put myself through just to have this opportunity. They have to see something substantial. 

I hear all the time about pressure. About not putting pressure on yourself. About doing it strictly for youself and no one else. I don't see it that way. I want it for me and the hundreds or thousands of people that have helped me get here. I want to succeed and share that moment with all of them. When I start second guessing myself it only lasts a moment because then I realize how many people have the faith and belief in me and that feeling is enough to conquer the world. 

Trapped in a cycle

This of course is my first go round in this whole Olympic thing. Mid way through next year will mark my first full cycle. The one thing that's always in my mind is what it all means. I am not one of these professional athletes you see on TV. The ones that make millions of dollars and compete 16-160+ times a year. Who can afford a bad day. Who can get complacent and afford to put one in the L column. 

I am an athlete in an Olympic cycle. Which means I have one single shot at this. Otherwise I have to wait four years. Four years? Let's put four years into perspective. 

A different president will be in office. Kobe Bryant will most likely be a retired athlete. Along with Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. Every Current high school student should have graduated by then. Over 10 million people will die. Over 11 million children will be birthed. And yet all of that happens before the next Olympic Trials.

If this doesn't go my way, if I have an off day I will have 4 years or 1461 days to play it back in my head. What if my prime is gone? What if I suffer a serious injury? What if life's course takes me away from the sport. I am not a professional athlete who suffers an injury and can come back the next season and have the same goals. No. Imagine if every time a professional Superstar gets injured they have to wait four years to compete for a championship. That means Adrian Peterson doesn't run for 2,000 yards last year and isn't the MVP. Peyton Manning doesn't throw for a bizillion yards last season or this year, he isn't the comeback player. In fact he would have been 40 when he was coming back after missing his opportunity in a 4 year cycle. That would have probably ended his career.

There is a lot of importance on the Olympic cycle. You have to plan your life around being the best at the right time in the right year. That is incredible. At this point in the game it's not about speed, endurance, knowledge, ability, or any physical aspect. It's just all about execution through a 4-day window. Nail it then and you have reached the pinnacle of sport. Blow it and you may never have another opportunity.

Hard Work

I am a true believer in hard work. A blue-collar attitude. Ever since I was a kid I have been told if you work hard you can do it. Nothing has ever come very easy to me except for math and hard work. When I first started skating when I was five all I did was work hard. Couldn't skate worth a damn but I did everything I was told to do. A couple of years later I was told by my coach if you give me 100% and your focus you will get what you want.

Ever since that moment it's all I've known.

Hard work is a funny thing though, it is deeply restricted by the human brain. When I was first told, 'give me everything you got and you will get what you want.' I got what I wanted and I put everything I had into each practice but that was only 4 practices a week. I didn't think I could have trained any harder, I was 11. 

Then I was told to get where you want to go we have to train harder then you ever have. I did that too, and I gave every practice a solid 100. I got where I wanted to go, I was now 13 and I didn't think I could possibly train any harder then I was. That time I may have been practicing about 6 times a week.

After that I was again told if I wanted to reach my goals I would have to train harder then I ever have. I would have to rest properly, I would have eat better. I started practicing twice somedays, I built a slide board and put it in my bedroom. I put everything after skating, still I was just 15 surely I could not train any harder.

Fast forward until 2013, and I've trained harder then ever before. Harder then I ever would have assumed possible. I don't believe I could have trained much harder up to this point, maybe extend the length of what I will call hell weeks but during those weeks absolute effort was on display. 

Sometimes I think back and only wish I knew how far my body could have gone those years on my wheels. When I didn't believe I could possibly go any harder, there was a lot left to do.

Still I believe absolute effort must be given in order to achieve anything. It's a hard work frame of mind. If you can fight everyday to give it everything you have then you have to get better.

Hard work is the only thing I know how to do. Whether it be skating, work, or life in general I have to work hard.

Drift away

Most nights I lay awake in bed. Trying to sleep but understanding it won't happen. Sometimes it's the pain of grinding out workout after workout without proper nutrition, recovery, cool down. Other times it's the aches and pains of my back or knees that remind me I may be human after all. Or it may even be the stress of work keeping me on my toes.

Other nights it's my mind replaying a scene over and over and over again. It's never a long scene, never a race. Usually a couple of seconds of real time slowed down to last a minute or two, over and over and over again. One corner of one lap of one race maybe. Just a mistake, maybe a couple of inches here or there, maybe a split second of lost balance, or a lapse in mental judgement. Over and over again. Never changes. Never visualize it the way i thought it would go before it happened. This repeat is different, the repetitiveness is simply to prevent it from ever happening again. To dwell on it. To get angry about it. Sometimes it's not even a race. Sometimes it's not even to get angry over. Maybe it's a corner of one lap of one drill of one practice. Maybe it's something done correctly. It stays and lingers and plays and plays over and over trying to create muscle memory through a simple slowed image.

Sometimes it's just motivation. It's not easy to wake up and run your mind and body into a wall everyday, over and over again. It could be a word. Maybe a thought. A feeling. It seems to always be a similar theme, someone else's voice or thought describing exactly what I can't do and why.

Then right before I finally drift off it's always there in some concept or another, some phrase, word, or emotion: watch me.